This friend of mine Suvo has been saying, “Sab Maya Hai”, for as long I have known him and that is about 14 years or so. “Sab Maya Hai”,  just means that everything in this world is an illusion. By everything, I mean all relationships, emotional ties with physical or conceptual, attachment and love for others, for self, for things, for possessions, for acquisitions etc etc….

So as per most saints and sages, human beings are given the chance of being human till we learn and complete the journey of detaching ourselves from all things that attach us. And once we learn that apparently we do not have to come back to this earth. I am sure there are gaping holes in what I am saying but this is broadly what I have heard.

Lately, my very close friend’s father passed away. And that brought back this thought of Sab Maya Hai to my head. I got thinking, that yes, all around us there is so much loss so many human beings go through, loss of a loved one, loss of a child, loss of respect, loss of dignity, loss of face, loss of property, loss of money, loss of job, loss of relationships, loss of lovers, loss of friends, loss of family, loss of fame, loss of success, loss of marriages, loss of closeness, loss of family…..(I am sure there are many many more), but the point is we all carry on, we all live, we all go onto still enjoy life and if not all of it then most certainly some moments out of it, with the pain or despite of it.

In retrospect all the loss seems inevitable, it seems like a journey you had to go through, that it couldn’t have been any other way. And that realization is what gives sense to that line, “Sab Maya Hai”.

Sab Maya hai does not mean not to live, love or laugh. It just means do all that but with the knowingness that one day this shall not BE.

Since many years I have had this realisation that I hate Sunday evenings. No, its not the Monday Blues syndrome. There is something about Sunday evenings, a sense of finality, a sense of closure, a sense of something important coming to an end, an anxious feeling but you cannot put your finger on the reason or the cause of this anxiety. It feels like saying bye to your lover after a holiday and then each of you going to your separate city. It’s a mixed feeling of joy that you felt and sadness that you are feeling.

 

Sunday evenings make me reflective. Somehow, it feels like nothing really seems to be changing or moving forward. Though, in reality it is not like that at all. Things change, and move forward all the time. We plan holidays, lunches, dinners, meetings, we grow up or grow aware (though both these things are the same to my mind), meet new people, do new things, read new things, have new experiences, see new places and all that and more, but come Sunday evening and all this vanishes from the mind and I just feel slightly weighed down.

 

My sense is that some of us carry a heaviness within us. Feel all the feelings a bit too intensely, too vulnerable and trying to cover it up by pretending to be strong. Sunday evenings you let the pretense go take a walk and then you just feel so tired and so exhausted. And you become honest with yourself and you know something is missing and no matter how much of the world you see, no matter how many books you read, languages you learn, places you go to, experiences you go through, people you meet, will only make sense………..no, I don’t really know when they will make sense, maybe someday when I am 55 or something like that and when Sunday evenings cease to become this ominous thing, this mixed feeling phase, the one you want to stay in but also know the end is here and you can’t escape time.